APPLE BUYS CHRISTMAS

NORTH POLE – Apple announced an agreement with Santa Claus to acquire Christmas at a press conference held via satellite from Santa’s home in the North Pole. In the deal, Apple would gain exclusive rights to Christmas, Reindeer, and Elfs. Santa will remain as a consultant on unspecified terms.

In a joint announcement, the parties said that they expected a smooth transition. However, because of unanticipated integration issues, Christmas 2014 is now delayed and scheduled for release in December of 2015, though one unnamed source said that it may slip into the first half of 2016. Vixen, the new Director of Apple iHolidays and iCelebrations said, however, that “iphone users who sign up with Apple could get beta previews of iChristmas [2014] as early as November first of 2014.

Santa’s Headquarters will be moved to Cabo San Lucas, as it has been determined that the North Pole is just too darn cold. The 2015 Release Party will be held in December Cabo San Lucas and Tequila will replace Hot Toddies.

They also apologized for the inadvertent disclosure of the names of 222,000 persons that had that had viewed the “Mrs Claus Dances at the Pole” photos before they were removed from Santa’s website, described as “inappropriate.”

The announcement also included a notice that effective immediately, “Christmas” and all of the Reindeer names would be copyrighted by Apple and that Santa will no longer deliver any Christmas gifts with any Abode application in it. Santa stated his continuing commitment to “all who have made Christmas great,” and vowed that the deal would expand Christmas to make it better than ever before. Some analysts think that Santa has saturated the Holiday market, and is looking for a means to expand products and services into new venues, perhaps kicking off the Christmas season earlier than the current start of the 5^th of July by expanding Christmas itself. “Christmas itself can start July 5^th, and run to December 25^th—expanding the holiday, and kicking the shopping season to even before that, perhaps as early as January” said Vixen.